On April 24^th 2006, Jonathan and I had our first date.  We planned to meet on Blair Hill in Williamstown, Massachusetts, where we both attended school, for a sushi picnic.  Both of us showed up with the same bottle of white wine, 2 glasses and a wine opener.  We were both so happy to meet someone who thought to go the extra mile.  I had a feeling that was going to be my last first date.

Today, I want to tell you the story of how we met, partially because I want to honor our anniversary, but mostly because there’s a valuable lesson here about being bold and how it breaks the overeating and body-hatred cycle.

I’m about to get a little personal with you… hope you don’t mind.

Jonathan and I first met in history class in the spring of 2006.  We started spending time together, trading history notes and sharing books (I had all the books I needed but borrowed his anyways). I thought he was the bees knees, but no matter how much I flirted or “bumped into him” at parties he wasn’t taking the bait.

So I stopped talking to him cold turkey.  I figured I must’ve been misreading his cues.  It didn’t take long for him to realize that I was giving him the cold shoulder and he confronted me.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He said.
“You know exactly why.” WHOA! Bold move Sarah, I thought. The words just came out without thinking.  I was always one to be bold with friends and family (I was voted Miss Tell-It-Like-It-Is in High School) but when it came to boys, I was shy and held back because of my whole “I’m too fat to be with him” shtick.

Well that one bold statement changed my life forever.

Jonathan took my hand led me outside the bar.  He told me that he thinks about me all the time and wants to be with me… but the timing just isn’t right.  He was graduating in a month and moving to NYC and I still had another year left at college.  He thought it would just be easier to wait until I lived in NYC.  So practical, as usual.

My normal M.O. would’ve been to say that was fine, and to continue stalking his facebook updates, coincidently showing up where he was, and dressing extra nice to history class hoping he’d change his mind.

But for some reason this new side of me came out that night.

“You’re an idiot” I said. “We both know how perfect we are for each other. I can see the way you look at me. Can’t you feel the energy between us?”

He agreed, but rattled off some bullshit that he though it would be better if we were “just friends”.

Just. Friends.  Exactly!  Just friends implies subpar, settling, less exciting.  Just. Pah!

I told him that I didn’t want to be just friends, that I wanted to be with him and that we’d figure out the details.  I gave him 7 days to make up his mind, he could either date me, or never speak to me again.

I didn’t want good enough.  I wanted the whole kit and caboodle.

Girlfriend or bust was my new mantra.

Most people would say that negotiating for being someone’s girlfriend is desperate.

Desperate would be negotiating and re-negotiating with no expiration date until you’re left with a shell of what you actually want.

BOLD is stating what you want clearly and giving a deadline. And being willing to be left with nothing.

When my clients first come to me, a lot of them have a habit of hoping for things to change.  They hold things in, don’t ask for what they want, and wait.  All of this “holding on”, wishing, hoping and staying quiet eventually turns into regret, and that regret piles on top of the lost hopes.  All of this piling of emotional crap manifests as extra weight on our bodies, and then we tell ourselves that we don’t deserve what we wish for because we’re fat.

It’s a vicious, terrible cycle.

Today, let’s end the cycle.  What do you need to be BOLD about? What are you holding onto that you need to voice, demand or scream? What is it that you want?  Where in your life do you need to stop settling for “good enough” and need to go get the whole kit and caboodle?

Maybe you need to say “Honey, it’s been 12 years, I want to be your wife, not your girlfriend.”

“Mom, I need you stop giving me diet advice, it’s not your job anymore. If you can’t agree to that, I don’t want to speak to you.”

“Friend, I hate that you’re always 30 minutes late. I can’t make plans anymore if you’re not going to respect my time.”

When you’re being bold about demanding all or nothing, you need to be fully committed to taking the “nothing” because there’s a good chance that’ll be the outcome.  But most of the time “nothing” gives you the space for “something better” to come along, where settling for “good enough” keeps us stuck.

After I revealed my whole heart and soul to Jonathan with complete vulnerability, I was running the risk of being left without the man I’d come to care about AND I would be completely and utterly mortified.  I can see why keeping our mouths shut seems like the better option.  But even that seemed like a better alternative than “just being friends”.

I gave him the silent treatment for a week so he could get a taste of what life would be like without me.  It was torture, but I wanted to be bold.  He tried to contact me multiple times and it would’ve been so easy to give in, to just sit next to him for 5 minutes.  Girlfriend or bust. Girlfriends or bust. 

In true college fashion, I made him a CD (my generation’s version of a mix tape) with music we listened to during our late night study sessions and songs that had not-so-subtle messages.  I put it on his car on day 5 of our “life without Sarah” trial run.

Well I guess it was the CD that broke the camels back because the next day we were making summer plans and making out all over campus.  I was so grateful that something inside me decided to speak my truth because I had never felt so light and free in my whole life.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to reflect on this, and for taking the time to read it.  I hope that this inspires you to go out a limb, take a risk, be bold.  Your heart, your life and your body will thank you for it.

Next week I’m releasing a FREE Video Training Series called LIVE MORE WEIGH LESS where I’ll be teaching you how to step out, be bold and claim the life you desire so you can finally have the body you’ve dreamed of.   Keep an eye out;)

Xo

Sarah

We’re all guilty of spending a little too much time focusing on technology instead of the world around us, from computers to the cell phones we can’t pry out of our hands. How many times have you narrowly escaped a walk-tastrophe because you were more concentrated on your phone than on walking. While it’s cool to be current, our addiction to checking in online may be making our current state of health suffer. This week’s LWBA is urging you to step out of your in-box and check in on your life.

Are you the girl who grabs your phone to check your email as soon as your alarm goes off in the morning? Do you find yourself anxiously responding to emails on your way to the shower and while you’re stuffing your morning bagel down your throat?

Are you the girl who checks her email on the subway, in the cab, while waiting for your friend for dinner, while your peeing, eating, walking, talking, sitting or standing?

Are you ever NOT checking your email?

I know you think that you’ll feel calmer knowing that your mom didn’t get hit by a car or that your boss doesn’t need a surprise presentation on his desk in 20 minutes (If there’s an emergency, they’ll call). I know you think you feel more in control when your inbox is empty, but if you really check in with yourself, I’ll bet you’ll realize that checking your email is putting you in a constant state of stress.

Stress releases a hormone cortisol that lowers our metabolism and retains body fat. Stress also causes us to over eat, because let face it, ice cream makes us feel calmer. Also, when we’re stressed when we eat, our bodies can’t digest our food, shooting our cravings sky high for more calories.

I have a client who used to check her email all the time, and I gave her the assignment of only checking it twice a day. Yes, it took her an hour each time, but her life completely transformed.

She felt relaxed and centered for the first time in her life.
She had time to read, work out and call old friends.
Her productivity at work soared and she got a promotion.
She lost 30 pounds.

And one day as she was coming down in the elevator NOT checking her blackberry like she usually does, the man next to her started talking to her and there was an instant connection. She asked him why they hadn’t met before? He said that he’s ridden the elevator together a lot but she’s always on her phone.

They’re getting married in 6 months.

About 2 years ago I met Natalie Berthold.

We were sitting at dinner with a group of girls and she was talking about how God sent her a bookshelf.  I thought she was crazy.

She just told God she needed a new bookshelf and the next day, her neighbors put their old bookshelf on the side walk for free.  It was exactly the shelf she wanted, down to the color.

She just said thank you, to her neighbor and God and brought it upstairs.

At first I was like, yeah right, dumb luck. But then she preceded to tell me all of the things she has manifested in her life (including her amazing boyfriend) and although I wasn’t a total believer, I was insanely jealous she had this power.

So I decided to give it a shot, why the hell not?  And crazy shit started happening.

Here are some the strategies I use for you to have fun with.

1. I talk to God like he’s my homey.  If I try to pray like I’m sitting in the pew with a Bible in my lap, I feel separated and estranged from God.  So I just talk out loud when I’m in the shower or doing the dishes, like he’s my best guy friend.  (side note: if you’re not into God, that’s cool, substitute for Universe, higher power, divine mother etc. it’s all the same)
2. When I ask for money, I am specific about amount and time.  When I started this manifesting thing, I wrote down a certain amount I wanted to make in a year, then completely forgot about it.  When I went to do my taxes, I found my old notebook and sure enough I had made the exact same amount that I asked for.
3. I accept that everything is meant to happen, and that every challenge is meant to teach a lesson.  Last summer someone stole two pairs of my nicest underwear and my favorite nightgown out of my laundry at the Laundromat.  Not only is that totally creepy, I was pissed since I loved those things and spent a lot of money on it.  I immediately said, “God! What gives!? I’m pissed but I’m going to trust there’s a lesson here.” And I got over it.  For my birthday a month later, my best friends mother gave me two pairs of nice underwear (she hasn’t given me a bday present since I was 5) and my mother gave me a nightgown from the same store as my stolen one.  Of course. Lesson of faith learned.
4. I use ritual or ceremony.  Before my wedding my mother heard of a Native American tradition that if you bury a bottle of Jack Daniels at the wedding site, you’ll have perfect weather on your wedding day.  Of course, we did it and included our not-so-ritualistic family members, asked God for sun and did little dance after we buried the bottle.  24 hours before my wedding day there was a 90% chance of rain.  I was devastated but still hopeful that the weather gods would pull through.  Sure enough on our wedding day, it was raining everywhere within a 20 mile radius EXCEPT for my town where the wedding was.  We had picture perfect weather.  Our guests said it was so weird to leave their hotels in the rain and arrive in sunny Sherborn.
5. I visualize what I want to look like.  If we’re not clear with what we want, then how will we get it? It’s kind of like calling up the LL Bean catalog and saying, “just send me anything, I’m sure I’ll like it!” and getting pissed when you get a pair of size 7 green rain boots in the mail when you really wanted red ones in a size 9.  So when I want to make a change with my body, I close my eyes and imagine very clearly what I want to look like, how I feel, move and dress when I embody that vision. Over the past few years I’ve gone from a size 12 to a size 6 without dieting. 
6. I don’t worry about the “How”.  This is by far the MOST important concept, and the hardest for me to grasp.  When we ask for something and then think about all of the obstacles or how you’ll have to work too hard, it’s just a total buzz kill, and your manifesting loses it’s power.  Just ask, and let God take care of the how.  When I started The Breathtaking Bride, I had no idea how I was going to get the business off the ground.  I needed a name, a website, and a photo shoot, and I only had a month before wedding season and $500.  But I decided not to worry about the HOW and just went through the motions.  The name “The Breathtaking Bride” came to on the treadmill one day when I wasn’t even thinking about it, my web designer offered me a discounted price, I met a photographer who was the secretary of a woman I had a business meeting with who said she’s do a 4 hour shoot for $150 bucks. We got a studio space for free.  And just when I was panicking about finding a wedding dress to where in the photo shoot, a business card from a bridal shop that I hadn’t been to in a year fell out of my notebook, I went, asked them if they wanted to donate a dress.  A dress had just been returned by a high-maintenance bride, so they offered it to me and when I tried it on, it fit like a glove!  I had my business up and running in two weeks from the first day I got the idea.  It was meant to happen, and it was all so easy, because I didn’t worry about the HOW.

In the comments on the blog, I’d love to hear how you feel about all this woo-woo stuff. Does it seem silly? Are you into it?  Have you manifested any crazy experiences? I’d love to know. 

And let me know what strategy you’re gonna try this week.  Which is the one that jumps out at you?

All the best,

Sarah

This past weekend was a religious carnival.

With Passover starting on Friday and Easter on Sunday, Jonathan and I were in multi-faith heaven.  Having the first night of Passover fall on Good Friday was the perfect reminder of how aligned Judaism and Christianity really are.  Did you know that Good Friday aka the last supper was actually a Passover Seder?

On Friday we broke matzos at the Dougherty’s with close friends.  Jonathan lead the seder, telling us the story of the Jews exile from Egypt, acting out the story with buzzed glee (Did you know that tradition states that you have to drink 7 glasses of wine before the meal even starts?).

On Sunday we hosted an Easter potluck with egg dying, a jelly bean hunt and enough food to feed an army.

When I was engaged, a lot of people asked me if I was going to convert to Judaism.  To me, the answer was obvious, “Nope, we’re going to do both!”

That was either met with a pat on the back, or a look of deep concern for our future children.

Jonathan and I spent almost two years discussing life as a multi-faith couple and family as we prepared for marriage.  The reality was that both of us were very opened minded to begin with.  Jonathan grew up in a reform temple and I in a Congregational Church who served fritos and coke during for communion at one of our confirmation retreats (awesome right?).  To us, having a connection to a higher power was the most important, and our religious traditions were a way to learn about each other’s ancestry, upbringing, culture and give us opportunities to connect to the higher power even more deeply than we do in our daily lives.

A lot of people believe that the presence of one religion takes away from another.  If you celebrate Easter, it makes you less Jewish, or if you go to mass, it makes you a bad Buddhist.

I believe that 1+1=4.  The more experiences you add, regardless of how contradictory they may be, the more depth, love and joy you experience.

An amazing reflection of this belief at work was our friends and families reactions to our wedding ceremony.  Many of Jonathan’s Jewish family members commented that it was the most beautiful Jewish ceremony they’ve ever seen.  My Christian family said is was the perfect twist on a traditional Christian ceremony. Everyone said that they felt a strong spiritual presence and above all, it was so “us”. Mission accomplished.

This idea of more is MORE obviously goes way beyond religion.

I believe you can be on a budget and still go to the French Laundry.
I believe you can be trying to lose weight and still eat chocolate.
I believe you can be madly in love and still flirt with your waiter.

In fact, I believe that a budget is only possible if you have moments of feeling wealthy.
I believe that losing weight is only possible if you enjoy your favorite foods.
I believe that lasting love is only possible when we know we still got it.
I believe that the deepest relationship with a higher power means an open heart to all traditions.

This week I want to end the mentality of “either or”. And instead embrace a life of “I can have it all. More is MORE.”

Four years ago this month I stood in the J. Crew dressing room with my belly bulging over a black bikini with tears streaming down my face. I was leaving for Mexico in 3 days and though I had been attempting a no carb diet for 6 weeks, I was no closer to the perfect bikini body I envisioned myself having.

Inside, I was a smart, driven and sexy young woman, but when I looked in the mirror I felt like a used up, ugly fatty with no hope for a happy life.

On the inside I knew I was destined for great things… if only I could get my body to drop 30 pounds.

As I’ve told you before, it wasn’t until I looked underneath my overeating and discovered what was driving my food addiction was I able to drop 40 pounds…without counting a single calorie or stepping foot on a treadmill.

Since then I’ve been on a mission to help women get out of body jail and drop their food obsession by guiding them through my unique program of emotional eating, lifestyle design, relationship development, body image and career growth.
I take a 360 degree approach because

I believe that every woman deserves to feel beautiful, have a job you love and a man that worships you.

Just being thin isn’t enough.

I’m currently opening up my private coaching program to three women (engaged or not), so if you’re intrigued by the possibility of finally losing weight this spring, I would love to talk to you if you’re…

• Petrified about getting in a bathing suit this summer
• Telling yourself you’re going to lose weight on your own but never follow through and can’t keep the weight off
• Concerned about looking fat in your wedding dress (not to mention having a gazillion photos taken)
• Know that there’s a deeper reason you can’t lose weight but can’t put your finger on it
• Determined to get your weight handled once and for all so you can focus your energy on more important things
• Looking for a coach who can relate to your struggle and give you the exact strategies to finally feel beautiful, strong and happy

Hitting a chord? Then you may want to consider filling out a zero obligation questionnaire to see if we’re the right fit for working together. If I I feel like my program can really help you, I’ll reach out to book a brief chat so you can ask me questions, and I can go into more details about the program and the investment.
If you’d like to hear from some ladies who’ve had success in my program click here: http://thebreathtakingbride.com/testimonials.
To fill out the questionnaire, click here.
Sending you so much love and looking forward to the possibility of working together.

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Hey gorgeous,

What’d you got planned for the weekend? Anything fabulous?

When I was in the thick of my body hell, I would always try so hard to “be good” with food all week that by the time the weekend rolled around, I was gunnin’ to let loose and go wild with food.

I’d wake up on Monday morning feeling hung-over, bloated, fat, guilty and embarrassed by my behavior. Not a great way to start the week.

When I started adopting the strategies I teach in the Breathtaking Bride Booty Camp, I realized that on the weekends, what I was craving wasn’t food, but permission to cut-loose, have fun and let my sexy out.

When I started crafting my custom weekends, it lead me to lose 40 pounds.

So today, I want to help you craft YOUR custom weekend, so you can wake up on Monday feeling rejuvenated, alive, in love and beautiful. You might even feel slimmer after just 2 days. Here it goes, grab a pen…

Your Guide to Crafting a Sexy, Restorative, Wild Weekend

Step 1: Carve out the categories.

When we have weekends that are filled with one party, gathering or meal after another, it can be totally draining. And if we spend the whole weekend inside reading, meditating, and sipping tea by ourselves, we can get really bored. Both can lead to over eating.

SO it’s really important to make time for these activities:

• Restoration
• Cutting Loose
• Connecting
• Education/Self-Improvement

Here’s a sample schedule for inspiration:

Friday Night, Connect: Go on a fabulous date with your lover. Don’t ask “what do you want to do?” Just make the decision yourself and tell him what’s up. OR tell him “Sweetie, I’d love for you to take me out to dinner tonight, will you find a place and make a reservation? Something French would be amazing. Just tell me where and when to meet you.” If this would totally freak him out, give him 3 options, and tell him to decide. If you’re single, call up a lady-friend, a your favorite man-friend or ask out that guy you’ve had a crush on. Why the hell not?

Saturday Morning, Restore: Get up by 9am, go for a quick walk by yourself, make a simple breakfast and catch up on your favorite blogs. Maybe even go to yoga… no pressure though. And ask you man for a foot massage (my new favorite past-time).

Saturday Afternoon, Educate: Bring a book to a café and read for 3 hours (I’ll be reading Make Everyman Want you by Marie Forleo this weekend). Or go to a museum, a lecture, a guided tour, a documentary, write a letter to your unborn child, anything that makes your brain work and has nothing to do with your career. I think it’s powerful to spend Saturday afternoons alone, even if your man is dying to spend time with you. Tell him to go watch college football, he’ll think you’re the coolest woman ever.

Saturday Night, Cut Loose: Carve out at least 2 hours to get ready (see below). Then get a group of people together, couples or girlfriends. Plan something where you can wear a hot dress and sip a martini. Then go dancing. Either at a club or back home with your honey.

Sunday Morning, Restore: Sleep in, as late as you want. No guilt allowed. When you wake up take a long shower or a bubble bath.

Sunday Afternoon, Cut Loose: Sunday afternoons have the potential to be super depressing with work approaching in less than 24 hours. Make sure Sundays are filled with pleasure-filled adventure. Enjoy a European lunch (lunch with wine) explore a new neighborhood, take an impromptu trip to wine country, see a movie, get your nails done or go sledding.

Sunday Evening, Connect: Spin by the grocery store, pick up basics for the week and ingredients for an easy dinner. Try grilled salmon, kale salad and brown rice cooked with white wine, garlic and butter. Super easy and super delish. Set your table, enjoy your meal sans TV and whisper sweet nothings to your man.

Step 2: Shake things up.

If you’re not happy with your body or your life, try doing things differently, even if it seems completely unrelated to weight loss.
* Wear heels to brunch and flats to dinner
* Throw on red lipstick to go to the grocery store
* Have sex in the middle of the day
* Work out on the weekend
* Change up your hair-do
* Paint your nails a bold color
* Make a new friend
* Drink tea instead of coffee or order pasta instead of a salad

Living against the grain is a great adventure. When you have adventure in your life, diving into a pint of ice creams seems far less exciting.

Step 3: Look Fabulous

Just try for one weekend wearing one fabulous outfit after another, including what you wear to bed and around the house. I know you hate drawing attention to your body, but accentuating your curves instead of hiding your fabulous ass for 48 hours isn’t going to kill you. If you don’t have anything to wear, go shopping.

Step 4: Eat Dessert.

Both nights baby, order that chocolate lava cake or crème brulee. I give you full permission, so no guilt allowed. Really savor every bite, eat it slowly and make orgasm noises while you’re eating (trust me, it makes it so much better).

Step 5: Flirt.

Flirting is an invaluable art that I need to write a full article on, but it’s important for you to know that you can flirt without leading men on. It’s about owning your beauty and sensuality and knowing that the barista, guy at the next table or the runner you’re about to pass is damn lucky to be within 3 feet of you. Smile, hold eye contact and see how it makes you feel. It’ll make your whole weekend feel exciting.

Step 6: Love more.

It’s time to get real with your lover, your girlfriends, your parents, your grandparents. Tell at least one person why you love them, how they’ve shaped you, your favorite memory about them. Spread the warm & fuzzy. It’s amazing how you stop caring about your love-handles when you have a better handle on love.

Here’s to your Sexy, Restorative, Wild Weekend.

PS. I just have 3 spots left in the Breathtaking Bride Booty Camp. If you like the idea of having “fun” fuel your weight loss, instead of trying the same torturous, restrictive, boring diets over and over with no success, then visitwww.breathtaingbridebootycamp.com to see if one of those spots belongs to you.

All I can say is, WOW!

The Wine & Cheese Weight Loss Party last night was amazing, so much more powerful than expected. I got a slew of emails from women saying they cried through most of the call just because it made them consider that they no longer have to endure the pain of body-jail or suffer through another diet. They learned that what they’re missing isn’t “willpower” it’s fun.

This new way of approaching our bodies and weight loss is spreading like rapid fire.

Here’s what some of the ladies were saying about the call…

“Loved it, even cried a little because I felt like you were talking directly to me at some points, even though I am not engaged or married!”

“I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know how much I enjoyed the Wine and Cheese party last night. Just like when I was reading your blog, I kept nodding my head and saying to myself, “that’s totally me” and “she’s sooooo right!” Hearing from your friends, business partners, and former clients was an excellent add to the already super-informative party you threw.”

AUSTRALIA!? Love it: “Just wanted to say thanks for the virtual wine and cheese party. It was really interesting (and FUN)! I dialed in via Skype from Australia in my lunch break, but I made sure to dress up, do my hair and make up, put on my pearls, close my office door and eat some cheese! Had to substitute the wine for a fruit smoothy….but it was still pretty good. ”

“I absolutely loved every minute! Thank you so much for last night… truly inspiring!”

God, I was so touched by this: “You are living Buddha’s quote: “Be the Change You Wish to See.”. You are helping women change and the world is changing because of it. I had more than a taste of the change at the party tonight.”

In reference to the Booty Camp: “Thank you for bringing your one on one program to a group setting. The power of inviting individuals to share this major life journey, keep costs lower, bringing in a team of individuals to support you to model such behaviour and knowing that there are many of us needing this specific help and now!”

“Thank you so much for inviting me to the wine and cheese weight loss party! It was awesome and a pleasure to listen to your guests and yourself. I have definitely never thought that way about my body, weight loss, or my emotions/health.”

Here’s the recording:

On the call, I revealed a project I’ve been working on for 9 months. It’s near and dear to my heart, and you’ll be hearing me talk about it a lot over the next few weeks…. drum roll.

Please click above, play, check it out, watch the awesome video I made. Even if to just to check out my fabulous outfit… you should go.

Registration opened at 9PM EST last night, and we already have 9 amazing women signed up for the program. Space is limited so jump on it if you know it’s time to ditch that crazy ass diet and start having fun fuel your weight loss.

It would be amazing to have to join me in this amazing group of women.

Sending so much love!